100 Word Challenge #55 Avocado Bones Purple Elephant Seahorses

I was visiting the zoo. I went to see the big gray elephants hiding in the forest habitat. Then I saw some weird purple seahorses. It was getting late so I bought myself an avocado sandwich. Later that day I went to look at the souvenir shop and bought a box of bones. I was just about to leave when I heard a roar behind me. I turned around and saw a huge lion behind me. It had escaped. It started walking towards me. I turned and ran. I could hear its pounding footsteps right behind. I turned around and the lion just about to land on me.

4 Comments
  1. Great 100 word challenge Callum! I love the descriptive language you used, like in this sentence;
    ” I could hear its pounding footsteps right behind”
    I also liked the exciting little cliff-hanger at the end there, very cleverly written.
    The only thing I thing that I think you could improve is your use of adjectives. alongside the descriptive language, it would be nice to upgrade your words. Like turned to spun, land to pounce, and walking to creeping; like that

  2. I also love the use of descriptive language
    I do not understand how you said It was getting late… Later that day…
    I liked how you stated with it being a normal day but then you find and buy a box of bones and get chased by a lion. Is there a connection between the bones and the lion.

    Matt

  3. Hi Callum,
    I liked how it was a nice and simple story and it had a great storyline. Maybe you could describe some words a bit more so the reader can really visualise what is happening. Anyway I think you worked hard on this piece to make it a great 100wc!

  4. Hi Callum,
    Your 100wc had a great build up at the end of the piece. First it seemed like a retell but then it got intense. Good job.
    From Thomas.

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