100 Word Challenge #47 re-write of #46

Me and my mum were at a toy store and it was a busy day. I found a great teddy bear and mum let me buy it. We walked out of the store and the street was crowded. There were loads of people and it was really loud. Mum dragged me through the crowd and in all hustle, I dropped my teddy. We got in the car and drove home. When we got home I realized I didn’t have my bear. I was devastated and thought someone might take it so I told mum and we drove back, got out and ran through the crowd and luckily my teddy was still laying on the ground.

One Comment
  1. Well done Callum. Thanks for revisiting this piece. Do you think your changes have improved the writing? What else could you do to make this piece stronger?

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